3:00 am. Seems that, though I’m exhausted mentally and physically from the events and news of the last few days, I can’t sleep.
Vehicle problems, health issues and challenges, financial problems, disappointing news in bonsai, it’s hard to keep it together. Being an artist is not easy, especially in an extremely small, clannish medium.
Let me tell the world, 4 people are not representative of a community.
It’s hard to keep positive.
Here are some things I’ve decided.
I’m not showing trees in exhibits anymore. I don’t even want to go to shows.
I’m not going to be so trusting anymore. It was hard for me to make friends but now I find myself doubting everyone.
I’m still doing my blog and I’ll still be posting my trees on social media, and maybe one day I’ll publish the one post everyone wants to read. But not yet.
If you have a question, ask it. I still give advice if you want it, and for what it’s worth.
I’ll still travel wherever I’m wanted, and I’ll still tell bad jokes while I’m up there on stage. For the trees, for the people, for the challenges. For now.
As long as I have something to do, I’ll keep on doing it. But I’m tired.
So if you see me shaking my head and laughing at myself, you know why. Because if I don’t laugh, I cry.
Maybe I should have these shirts made up, what do you think?